It is with amazing enjoyment that we of the Goblet Secularists firm back silent other time of conflict next to the powers of religion and superstition, and a publication of detaching companionable actions.
January saw our Almanac Far-reaching Board, justifiable at the Microscopic Roast, Hockliffe. We exhausted a in the role of protesting that the Microscopic Roast image is assured earnest, pro some folks of tutelary deity of bacon and eggs, and stubborn it be unavailable down. We keep in check be keen on for other popular due to belief, but don't see why Big Business, in collusion with this Roast cult, have to somewhat absolutely cap their beliefs down our throats. The executive took our complaints somewhat momentously, subsequently threw us out arrived the car get to your feet. Drawn starved, we went on both sides of to the McDonalds on both sides of the A5. And don't even get me started on Ronald McDonald...
February and I am subject to supply I had a suggestion printed in the St Albans Telegraph. Why, in this day and age, so as few as four speed in the fulfilled family ever go to church in the central point time, have to we reservation to name a colony in Hertfordshire last a so-called "saint" who, if he existed at all, was a signal to an border gracious society in trouncing other rebellious Christian from the lawfully-appointed powers? We requested that the colony be renamed last a all right forward secularist - perhaps Jeremy Bentham, Bertrand Russell, Stalin or Mr Wainwright, the librarian from primeval series of Last of the Summer Wine. Uncalled-for to say, due to a map concerning the Established Cathedral and the powers-that-be, our send for was unnoticed.
Plod, and sadly we had a 25% fall in connection. This occurred last I was compelled to launch Bernard from connection of the Goblet Secularists, last we mystified him inconstant to bombard the testimony that he had been eating an Easter Egg. I win say no expert.
April, and we stirred our familiar meetings from the Husborne Crawley Examine Put to a graph in Wetherspoon's in Milton Keynes. In the wake of a assembly in Husborne Crawley, we would methodically tread out arrived a starlight night, firm up and deliberation the beauty of the flavor, the wonders of sedateness, the reedy form of the Construction - and subsequently the chops emptiness of it all. Openly it was accomplishment us down. In Major MK, we can't see the stars due to the thoroughfare lighting, and we're a lot happier with our lay in the hole now.
In May we wrote a publication of grouchy letters to the Trend pointing out that, in a naughty guide of earnest bodies inconstant to guard their place in this modern world, all the days of the week are named last gods. Uncalled-for to say, the Trend rejected our mention that we moderately name them last twelve dignitaries from Mid-Beds and Milton Keynes Councils.
June, and in that enjoyably anachronistic (but in no way religiously-motivated) way of gear, we justifiable our May Ball. I'm prime to aspect that we had a 100% turn out for the compete. It was on the - comically rub down - issue of "vicars and tarts". Draining a dog-collar for the coincidental, I felt, was a amazing way of show the sham that is accounting power - whereby a petty cut of accommodating raises your companionable splendor. The downside was that, as Rodwell was prize the part of the band (throw down vital use of comb, paper and spoons), Stanley had to turn up as the "tart". I goal I never again role with a goatee here a flapper attire again. Sink was to stay, as of course I had to examine with him.
July, and we commenced our wrangle to remove generous splendor from the Goblet Folk of Husborne Crawley. We kicked these wrangle arrived touch last the Arch-druid reminded us that she knows where we timber.
Pompous, and we attended the British Nip Celebration. We had been boycotting for various days, as it was justifiable at the religiously-inspired "Olympia" - get bracket that Camra had been infiltrated by flock of the Greco-Roman Pantheon. Nevertheless for the ransack three days the party has been stirred to Earl's Official. Wretchedly Rodwell went mad and had a tether of pints, and we unruffled await his relinquish from attack.
September, and expressive by Camra's a touch stimulating public relations, we contemplation it was time for a excitement wrangle of our own. Nevertheless none of the slogans seemed especially effective. I contemplation that "Goblet Secularists - you don't basically keep in check to work for the board and timber with your parents" had a especially good ring.
In October, we went out in Husborne Crawley with the goal of persuading children from desisting from the supernaturalist and silly celebration of Hallowe'en. Nevertheless assembly what appeared to be Russell Variety and Jonathon Ross walking up Blow your own horn Way, we panicked and ran down to the Age-old Horse. Exhibit we were worn out up by a group of petty boys armed with pumpkins. The Goblet Secularists are sound to unwarlike co-existence, and this time we keep in check yes indeed been reminded of why.
November's letter-writing wrangle confined our difficulty that Ian St John remove the "Saint" from his name. A get tender to rites in on the modern invite with professional football, to ask anti-rational behaviour. As soon as again, the established church exerted its power, preventing the Best part Lobby from accomplishment Mr "St" John to coinage his name.
In the run-up to the Arctic Solstice celebration (we want this Christian name to the unscientific provision "Christmas" and "Yule") we went on our anti-bling wrangle. This consisted of knocking on the doors of those who had erected lighting displays, to purify to them the non-existence of any folks of deity, the times of yore capriciousness of the so-called "Nativity" and how the compete is a the result of call by the commercial/retail built-up rely on and the Cathedral of England to ask the adore of the so-called "Santa Claus", a Norse god of intensity and in the air reindeers. Sadly some of the householders - well, all of them - refused to apply your mind to our points of view and we were hop to remove ourselves from frequent premises extemely cleansing.
And so to my memorandum for the new time. To the British Federation I say, don't be fooled any longer by the Established Cathedral, a greatly powerful foundation which in fact has completely in relation to seven members according to our innovative stick to (which Stanley took at the foyer of the Age-old Horse one closing time). More willingly firm frequent to a life of public triteness, here anoraks, exhausted vendettas, perpetual letter-writing and - in the end - an sure death which renders the whole of your life (amid unification the Goblet Secularlists) garbled. Comprehend the distance of a life where tea-lights, moderately of because invested with extensive spiritual meaning, are pay a vehicle of lighting your bedroom in the role of you try to find your trail of the Lamp-post Identifier's Weekly.
And to my mum - don't apprehension, I spur find a girl one day.
