I know that this has to do with the fact that most bw have a Christian life -approach and how they tend to apply this approach across board which leads to total ineffectual responses to the demands of life.This is about being so willing to be work furiously doing something totally tangent to what you want to achieve because of being so afraid to really confront what it is really that you want and strategize and work on it directly.
We've talked about something similar before and recently Evia saliently highligted the fact that many bw hide out in church to avoid developing the skills and attributes necessary to take on modern life.
In truth many bw are afraid they dont have what it takes to confront life and win. A good number of bw are deathly afraid of the world and you will note the need for hiding behind or away from the wider world sublimated into 'protestations' of being so enamoured by and with everything black or everything christian that they just dont want to be around others (self-segregation) or engage in understanding their wider world. I have said this before that when i see black women reading ardently on trains or buses, 7/10 times it has to do with christianity; it is a bible or a religious pamplet that proposes to teach them '7 prayers for victory' etc!
Am I saying that religion, faith, reading the bible is wrong? Absolutely not however many black women do not have any other frame or lens to view the world or life in general. This is very limiting. Consider that black women are purported to be some of the most 'religious' women around yet what do they have to show for their religious zeal, if not some of the worse social statistics and wealth rates. Something is indeed not adding up!
You will note that many black women would rather be in church all day and everyday spending 7 hours praying or working in church etc than spend two hours a week doing something that directly enables them meet their goal of marriage etc eg a simple online profile. They want a man to be 'given' to them as a reward for service rather than drectly take on the task of doing what will lead to that outcome, and dont forget there are so many preachers and teachers fueling this notion that, 'God will reward such faithfulness' where faithfulness is conviniently defined as toiling in little church XYZ, and giving half of your income to said church. Passgaes in scripture are pointed to as 'proof', that one need only 'pray' like Hanna, or just keep 'working hard in the house of God' (Read pentecostal church XYZ). Indeed many churches are built around capitalizing on black women's fear and lack of courage in facing the world. They manage the risk of living for bw (by allaying her fears, claiming they will provide her the teaching to smoothen the path, and also be a place where bw can run to for support which essentially means prayer) but as with any insurance broker or agency that manages risk on behalf of others, it isnt free. So black women actually expend more time and energy in attending to her needs through the framwork of faith/church than if she boldly went out there and put together her own plan for securing her wants and needs.
I remember a couple of years ago, I was at one of these church conferences that lasts days. As I was exiting the morning session I noted a young lady sweeping and clearing up. When I came back later I saw her still at work. The next day she was there again. I went up to her to commend her for her dedication and I dont know how a couple of other women joined in but I recall one of the women said something like, 'When you are faithful, God gives you what you want in fact sister ABC over there has just gotten married...' I think we all more or less agreed that God rewards those who are faithful however even then I was a bit worried about the whole notion of God sending a man because we were 'faithful' in church. But even then I could see how tempting and ensnaring an idea that could be indeed:
* Rather than take the time to put myself together I can simply pray loads and God will send it as a gift.
* Rather than get my self presentation right, I can attend church group meetings, clean the toilets at church (all the while talking about how God looks at the heart and a righteous brother will always be looking at the heart and for a prayer warrior anyway!) and God will see my hearts desires and grant it.
'Halima's Interview with Offbeat Marriage'
The angle of this 'supernatural reward', is a key reason why many bw continue to remain in churches were, it is physically impossible for even 1/3 to get men because these men are just not there. They are so convinced that it will come about in one of those supernatural, last minute, dont-know-how-it-could-have-but-it-did ways they are constantly regalled with in church! I once heard a Pastor note that one of his best selling series was on 'supernatural transference of wealth from the world into the hands of Christians'. No suprises there!
A similar situation happens with many black women who matyr themselves for race or undertake needless hardships 'for their people', and how they often announce these in gatherings as if to say, 'well I bankrupted myself or let myself be used etc so come on, where is my reward'!
No one is going to reward you for living a shortchanged life even if you think this was your 'swing' for your race. I am well aware that many times bw are asked to pitch in especially into some black man's scheme,with a 'vague' promise of a coming reward for black women if they continue to believe and persevere and dont give up on black men, black people etc. Once again we see how the faith/christian frame is applied inappropraitely, indeed having faith in 'my people' or 'believing a black man is promised you' is not biblically premised although looking at many black women you could get the impression it is. Many hold it in their hearts as if it is written somewhere in the new testament!
If you apply 'faith' in this way under some pseudo-christian sentiment you cannot hold anyone else or God responsible if you never achieve what you are holding out for; things God never promised.
The black woman will not be 'lifted up' or decorated with medals for living out a self-negating and life limiting existence on behalf of race. On that you can be sure!
As a black women there is no opting out of doing what you need to do to get ahead in life. You must be effective and develop effective protocols and you must set about it now!
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Questions to be sent to: relationshipadvice@dateawhiteguybook.com(c)Halima Anderson Author, "Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy"
